Messages
by prin69
Summary: A day in the life of Abby's home answering machine.


**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS characters, Crossing Jordan, or FedEx. I do however own this plot and Hoxie, Nadine, Sara, Denise, Charlotte, Marissa, Candice, Kevin, Samantha, Stan, Club Smoke Rings, and OmniCorp. All phone numbers and websites are made-up.**

**I blame this, and all future NCIS fics that I'll write, on Thought. She not only sucked me into the show, but she sucked me into fanfic and put the idea of writing one of my own in my head. If I have a character off I'm sorry. My first NCIS fic and I've only seen this season and a handful of episodes from the one before it.**

**Also, since Thought is my beta, and I wanted this to be a surprise, and I haven't seen her online all day (so not cool), this is unbeta-ed. Though I did try to go over it neurotically. Any and all typos/grammar mishaps Mine. **

Was supposed to be a depressed little piece of a message left by Kate on Abby's machine and Abby saving it and listening to it when she was missing Kate. Then a plot bunny jumped from out of my screen, tied me down, and changed the plot. Also, Kate's love for Abby is platonic friend love. (But if you want you can pretend otherwise). So, the new plot: Abby's home answering machine messages.

XxXXXxxXxxXxXx

"Hello! This is Abby, lab rat, Goth, and Caff-Pow demolisher extraordinaire. So, I'm either here and screening my calls cause I don't want to talk to you. Or I'm at work slaving away for the boss-man, my silver haired fox, the ever sexy, Gibbs. Or talking to Tony or getting annoyed by McGee or something. Oh, and if this is Denise, I swear I don't have your black sweater with the skull buttons. I gave it to Charlotte cause she was cold, then she leant it to Marissa cause it went with her dress, who gave it to Hoxie cause he thought it slimmed him down, and the last time I saw it Hoxie was giving it to Sara at that dingy club that night we all went out for sushi and almost got arrested by that cop for public lewdness but then didn't because I told him that if he didn't take us in I that would-" BEEEEEEEEP

"Hey Abby, it's Kate. Just calling to make sure we're still on for tomorrow night. And I know I said I'd wear the skirt, but uh, I'm not so sure anymore. I mean, it's really short. And I do like black but the fake bloodstains are a little much. … They are fake, right? Well, I'll go now cause Tony is walking back over and if I hang up now I can make him think I'm talking to a guy. Okay, bye hunny, I love you!"

"Hello Abby, this is Samantha from 4b downstairs. I just wanted to invite you to a potluck dinner my husband, Stan, and are having this Sunday. It's a Mediterranean theme, but you don't have to bring that type of food if you don't want to. Anyway, you have my number, so call me back when you get the chance to let me know either way."

"Abby, me again. I don't know why I keep calling your house. Don't tell anyone, but I just keep having this feeling it's better to call you there then at work. Anyway. Tony is now convinced I'm hiding some ugly boyfriend from him so I need you to 'accidentally' talk about my hot new lover in front of him, okay? Great. Oh, and Abby, you know I really do love you right?"

"Abby, it's Tony. Did Kate just call you? What's going on? I mean, maybe you I could picture with another girl, but Kate? Not that I haven't pictured it. … Ow! What Gibbs, I wasn't, I mean, I was, but. … Right boss. I'm on it. Have to go, Gibbs just got back. But I won't forget this."

"He-he-hello Abigail. I was wondering if, if maybe you, wanted to, no Ducky. I haven't seen the book about octopus dissection. Why do you need it? … Is that allowed?…Well, no, no I wasn't, what?…Oh yes I am on the phone. Oh, I'm on the phone! Okay, yes, well, goodbye Abby. I'll call you later…. Oh, I'm going to your lab to see you now. Right, okay… ."

"Denise calling. Oh, and I heard Alice, the little slut, has my sweater now. But that;s not why I'm calling. There's a sale at the amazing little shop we found a few weekes ago. Anyway it lasts for about four more days so I'm going to either tomorrow or the next day. Call me if you want to come, or tell me what you are looking for and I'll buy it for you. You can pay me back later. Oh, and if you're coming to the Kevin thing you don't have to call me. do you know if he got the promotion? I'm not sure whether to get him a gift, or a bottle of alcohol. Well, the gift probably would be alcohol. But the bow would be a different color. Oh well, I'll just bring two bows and tie one on when I get there. See you, babe."

"Hey Abby, it's McGee. Look I can't talk for long because we're on a scene and I'm within eyesight of Gibbs. And he is yelling a Tony right now for something but who knows how long that will last. So, I called to cancel for tonight. I know we had dinner plans but I'm sorry I just can't make it. An old buddy of mine from college called and we're going out to some place. I'm sorry. I can cancel if you want, though I really don't want to and- ah. Gibbs is coming this way I got to go."

"Abby, this is Jerry. We met at the coffee shop last week? Anyway I guess you're not home. I just wanted to call and say hi. So, 'hi'. Hahaha. Well, I'll try you again later. Bye."

"Abs, Sara. Don't blame her lost sweater on me! I gave it to Candice and who knows what that crazy girl did with it. Anyway babe, we're all going out tonight to celebrate something or other. I don't really know, Kevin was telling me but I wasn't listening cause he just drones on and on I mean how in the hell I became friends with an accountant is beyond me. Anyway girl, hope to see you tonight. We'll be at the coffe shop at around eight. Then we're heading over to this club, Smoke Rings, at about nine. Hope to see you there!"

"Abigail, it's Ducky. I was just calling to invite you over for a brunch this Sunday with mother and I. It appears she has just decided to throw a little party and asked me to invite you. Mother seems to like you. I'm also calling a few of the others to come as well. It actually reminds me of the time back in college when I brought a few friends home and mother was kind enough to make us all tea and crumpets. Of course, Edward was allergic to dairy and couldn't eat the crumpets so mother had to find him something else to eat.

Which was odd, as Eddie always had a doughnut at lunch and doughnuts do contain dairy. Hmm. How interesting. I can't believe I never thought of that before. Oh, well hello Jethro I didn't see you come in. Would you like to talk to Abigail?… Oh no Jethro, I'm calling her home phone and leaving a message…. Oh all right then. Goodnight Abigail."

"Abby, tell my team to stop calling your house when they're supposed to be working! And, interesting voicemail. Very…you."

"This is FedEx calling for a Miss Abigail Scuito. We have a package that we have tried to deliver for the past eight days. Judging from the, ah, _interesting_ e-mails we have received from you I'm guessing you are well aware of this. If you fill out a form and send it in we can leave the package without a signature. However, if after you open said package and you find a problem that you believe lies with us we are not liable. Also, my technical support team has asked that you not send them any more letters, videos, or pictures over the Internet, or messages over the phone, explaining where they can shove their proper protocol. Have a nice day."

"Abby, Tony. Look, I can't talk long I'm hiding in the men's room from Gibbs. He's real mad we've all been calling you. Anyway, here's the thing. Did you go to private or public school? Cause Kate went to Catholic and I just know she still has her uniform so I was wondering if you had anything special that you wore on your girl's nights in together? Ahh!" A loud clatter is heard as the phone hits the ground. "Geeze Gibbs, I'm in the stall can't a man have some privacy? … I was uh, talking to it. You know, I had to go but couldn't seem to get it started. … What? Oh well, I was just going to undo my pants. … What phone?…Oh that phone!…No it's not mine. Never seen it before in my life… No!… What, well, I mean what if it's an important call. You wouldn't want to bother the person on the other line. … Right. Good point. Why would they leave their  
phone in the bathroom. … No, but I'm going to get on that right now. Bye Boss." Another voice comes on. "Abby, I am going to block your number from all of their phones if they don't stop this."

"Abby, Tony again. Calling from my desk. Sorry if I got you in trouble."

"Abby, I should have known. Who else would I be calling by pressing redial on a special agent's phone? I bet if I press redial on any phone in this building and it'll call you. Now, can you tell me why that is? Maybe Tony here can. Care to tell me Tony. … Wrong Dinozzo! Will everybody **stop** calling Abby's house and actually do their work!"

"Hey Abby, it's your past self. Calling to remind you to pick up dog food, milk, and cream cheese. Oh! And find out why Gibbs has been glaring at you. I mean, we didn't do anything, not that we can remember right now. Hmmpf. Maybe we'll have remembered by the time we get this. So. Future self, make whatever I did wrong up to Gibbs. Okay? Great! Oops. Something just came back on trace of the DNA from the gum underneath the suspects shoe and- wait. You already know this. Oooh! Were you just having a freaky twilight zone moment!"

"Abbs, Kevin calling from my desk here. Which desk do you ask? Why yes it is my brand new desk in my brand new office that is not, I repeat _not_, a cubicle, and has big windows, and a plant. Don't know why I have a plant though. It was here when I got here. If I can get rid of it do you want it? Oh, I have to go. Someone else is coming in to congratulate me. We're going out tonight to celebrate and you better come!"

"Hahaha, is your fridge running? Better go catch it! Hahahahaha."

"Abby, Kate. Look I'm sorry that my calling you got us all in trouble. Well, maybe not Tony. He keeps looking at me. More so then usual. It's actually really weird. Did you tell him something is this just regular Tony drama? Anyway. Forget what I said earlier, I'll wear the skirt."

"Just yourself again, remember to call Kevin. He was supposed to get news about a promotion today."

"Hello! This is OmniCorp Inc. the home for all of your cookware needs! We have everything from new ovens, free installations, to spoons, pick your favorite color. To receive a free brochure on what we have to offer your fine kitchen please call 1-800-OMNI or go to our website at W W W dot OMNICORPCARES dot COM!"

"Um, Abby, it's Tim. Why is Tony asking me is you own any uniforms? And how does he know about your nurses outfit?"

"Aha! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!…Oh right, it's Tony. So, how about wearing the nurses costume on Halloween?"

"Abby, Kate, why does Tony want to know if I have a nurses outfit? You know what, no, on second thought, I don't want to know."

"Abigail, sweetheart, the ever wonderful Hoxie here. Guess what! I got the part! That's right. You are now listening to voice of body number 2 on Crossing Jordan. I'm excited. I'm hanging up now to call my mother. Ta!"

"This is Gibbs. Look Abby, it's fine if everyone calls you, but just not when there're supposed to be working, alright? And if anything is wrong I want you to tell me. I don't want to find out that you told everyone else before me that something is wrong with you, alright Abbs?"

"Abby, it's Tim. I just heard Gibbs calling you, and are, are you okay? I mean, if something were wrong you would tell me, right? Look, I'm calling my friends and telling them that I can't make it tonight. Let's just stay in. I'll bring soup. We can talk. I mean, if you want to that is. You don't have to tell me. Just, whatever it is, you don't have to go it alone."

"Tony again. Probie just came up here blubbering…yes you were probie, and did I say you could talk to me? Anyway, probie just came up here _blubbering_ about you. Are you okay? Call me."

"Abby, it's Kate. Are you all right? I'm sorry I know it's none of my business if you don't want to me to know. But I'm just worried about you, okay? Look, the number of my doctor is 485-762-7783. Call him. He's good, okay? Look I have to go now but we'll talk later. Bye Abby."

"Abigail, it's Ducky. If you aren't feeling well enough to join mother and I this weekend I perfectly understand. I thought you looked a little flushed earlier, but I waved it off as too much caffeine. Oh well. Stay well Abigail dear."

"Note to self: Tell everyone to stop calling house as Gibbs came down here and yelled at you earlier for everyone calling you. Also, find out if we are dying and nobody told us as Jimmy just hugged you and said 'stay strong'."

BEEEEEEEEP

MAILBOX FULL

**XXxxxXxxXxxxXx **

THE END. Please review. That is all. Bye.


End file.
